Goodbye

You.

This might be the last write up about you. 3 years went by and it was beautiful while it last. All the butterflies and shimkungs you made me feel.... I really want to thank you for it. My uni life has been more exciting and memorable thanks to you despite it being a one sided thing. I’m able to talk to you better now just cause I no longer feel that ticklish feeling everytime i see you or hear your name. It’s  kind of sad tho cause you were the second guy I gave my heart to. 

Thank you shaheed. It was nice knowing you.

A mere glass

I believe, strongly believe that I am stronger than whatever shitty feelings that I’m facing right now. Jogja went by and I found myself talking to someone and actually believe for a moment that I am able to have someone liking me for who I am. Then again hahaah I was just making a joke out of myself. Whilst trying to get that over you came by (as usual) only to use me for your academics and ended the convo with something that made me so mad. Thank you beautiful(pretty) much. 

I hate you

Kasyaf?!

I think I should just dedicate this whole blog for you lah eh hahaha. Just 4 days ago I was bent on moving on from you cause I wanna play safe and protect my little heart but every single time I decided on this, you will just do something that will definitely make this super difficult on the very next day.... like you kasyaf or what seyh haha...

So apparently I saw you smiling and waving so happily to a girl whom I kinda dislike. So obviously seeing that makes me feel like oh ya I ain’t that special lah (well practically I’m not lah) and basically that’s it lah hahaha; jealous. But like I said in the begining, the very next day after I decided on moving on; you came to me all smiley and happy.... of course sis cair..... then for the two papers on Thursday you sat beside me when there are so many other seats tau..... k tu takpe hahaha then apparently we wore the same colour (unplanned duh) and people we teasing us... well you started it first kot... orang tanya balik bila and you said balik Singapore?! WTH and it’s as though you are really going to balik sg?! Then the others was like ooooo dah kawin tak bagitau..... JUST KNOW THAT IF I AM GETTIG MARRIED TO YOU ESP SEMUA ORG MUST KNOW THIS HANDSOME GUY IS MINE HAHAHA k so you were so cool about it laaa aku yang mcm nak gila control boleh pecah dada dok time tu haha

S

Your smile still makes me feel all butterflies inside.

Your simple gestures make me fall for you over and over again.

I sleep while thinking about you.

As soon as I wake up, there’s no one but you.

Penang was such a blessing.

I get to know you a little more.

We sang, we laughed.

Even when its not just us, I was contented.

Seeing you peeking through the rear mirror,

To check on the roads, got be fluttering thinking you were checking me out.

All the songs we sang together, I thought we were made to duet.

Lastly, thank you.

Thank you for driving safely.

I love you, S 🥀

Why?

This feeling of liking someone is so susah, penat and one sided..... well maybe it has been one sided for me all the way since forever... thats why i feel this way lah kan. Can i just stop liking you? Im tired.

You

30th Sept 2016

That was the first time you talked and smiled at me. I never expect that I would fall for you just with that smile of yours. I have seen you multiple of times before in class but never did I thought that your smile was the key to my heart (CHEYH). But seriously tho, seeing you everyday did not spark anything until that smile; even though I initiated the conversation with you (OMG SO TAK MALU) but yeah thank you for being so kind S.

7th Oct 2016

Again Hikmah being super naughty, I tried to create a conversation again but this time with the help of kak nurlee so that it won't be too obvious. Well obviously it was a lil awkward at first but as the class progressed I saw that you laughed at my silliness eh #naughty. Not being perasan or anything but seeing your smile makes me super happy. And thanks to you, my friday is never dull.

Thank You S :)

A new life

A week pass by so fast and here I realise that I'm nothing without my mother. Living with your friend isn't as fun as it sound. There are more than just fun. Feelings play a very important role in living together. I've been keeping a little too much to myself this few days... and I think this will continue throughout my stay here. I guess this is part of growing up and becoming more independent. It's hard dealing with this kind of feelings all alone but I'm sure this will pass and it will just become a part of me that I'll keep somewhere I will not be able to reach it/